Just got hit in the face with depression like a brick. Neato Magneto.
I tried no-pick November- and I quite distinctly failed.
So lets see about what we can do about this December.
I don’t know how I feel about not spending as much time as usual with friends. Is it because I’m tired and napping during the days? Is it because I’ve fucked up my skin too much to want to be (seen) in public? Am I just focusing on school on more?
All of the above.
Every night when I go to bed, my skin ripped open.
And somehow, every morning when I wake I expect that skin will have healed over night.
I’ve grown accustomed to the disappointment.
Positive Steps to Mental Health
I consider some forms of destructive behaviour to fall under the “Surviving” category. If some sort of destructive behaviour is required to live and prevent more serious or permanent damage… I think it can be worth it.
I have a lot of scars.
I have a ton of scars from compulsive skin picking (see dermatillomania page/link on the side bar). Anyway, I have scars all over my face and shoulders, and arms, and chest (and legs and everywhere) which has led to my fashion sense essentially being anything that covers the most skin.
Today I was shopping and decided fuck that, and bought chest showing tank tops. If people have a problem fuck them.
Panic attacks from travelling are not good as far as derma and my skin go.
Random skin update. My face, nearly perfectly clear.
Lets just leave it at that and not talk about any of my other skin.
I’ve been putting this post of for a while. Derma Warning.
I want to thank the pretty blue haired chick I know. She means a lot to me; and she has helped me with some very serious confidence issues. I wore a dress today; it had no sleeves, and it was somewhat low cut (showed off about 3 inches below my collar bones), semi-short dress so all the way up to my thighs were visible as well.
My shoulder/chest/and lower leg scars were all on display. I couldn’t believe it, I don’t understand how I did this, but it was good. She makes me feel good about myself.
She started yesterday, we were at the beach, and I didn’t want to take my shorts off to swim, but she made me (bossy girly) and my horrible thigh scars (self harm) were all visible, and anyone could have seen them, and I didn’t even care. At first I was worried, but most of these people I wont see again, and I don’t care. the freedom I feel now is amazing.
This is probably difficult to follow, but I adore this girl, and she had done a lot for me in the short time we’ve known each other. This has been good. M appreciation blog.